Thoughts of Hot Blood
Why do we make mistakes when we know that we are going to regret them? Why is it so that the emotion of anger captures our mind so strongly that we have to say things that we know are going to hit back on us later? Almost all of us know when we are cool-headed, that the things said in anger are the most destructive things for us and our relationships. But then, why is it that when we are in rage, we forget our cool-headed philosophy and go on speaking things that we know might be destructive? Is it that anger makes us fearless? When angry, do we lose all the fear of consequences? After all, it is this fear that keeps a common man doing the right things at the right time. For example, no one would kick a big stone lying on the ground. Why? Because of the fear of pain, which is the consequence that kicking the stone would have. But, if we put some anger in this head, the person wouldn’t even think twice before kicking it, despite knowing that it will hurt later on. So, can we say that his anger made him fearless? I don’t think so.
In one of my previous sentences, I wrote “…the person wouldn’t even think twice before kicking it…” So, I suppose that anger does not kill our fear, but rather paralyses our ability to think. In a normal situation, a person would always calculate his words and its possible consequences before saying them. For example, I would always know what not to speak before my boss. He is just another human, in no way a superior being, but I would still think before I speak to him because of the position he is in, and because of the position he can put me in. But then, put some rage in my head, and I might become the courageous employee who didn’t even fear his boss. But actually, I will be the angry employee who didn’t think before he spoke, and then got fired. So, I suppose anger makes us stupid, and fearlessness is the term we use later on to justify our loss. And justify to whom? Ourselves, or probably the people who saw me do the stupid act, or just people who have recently heard of my loss and are curious why that happened.
Once the damage is done, we can offer a good and decent explanation to prove that what we did was right and appropriate in that situation, and it is unfortunate that our fearlessness wasn’t appreciated. But the fact remains that the damage is done, and it is the angry boy who will suffer now. We can try to fool the world, even ourselves, but at some level inside us, we know that this situation could have been avoided had we thought before we spoke. And had we avoided it, everything would have been as great as it was earlier, if not better. But here comes the irony; how could one think before speaking when we know that anger does not allow us to think? So basically, every time we will get angry, our brains will become under-active, mouths will become over-active, and we will say things that will hurt us later on. It is like God’s perfect plan to screw us badly. And there is no escaping if we get into this chain of events. Or is there?
One possibility to avoid such a thing from happening would be to not enter the chain in the first place. No anger, no consequences. There are a lot of provocations, I agree, to make us angry, but if we can dodge them, or not let them make us angry, we are good to go. I have read a lot of ways to control anger, like holding your fist tight and counting 1 to 10, drinking lots of cold water etc. But it is not necessary that you might be able to always use these techniques. What if the provocation for anger is time based, let’s say you have been asked a ridiculous question and you have to answer immediately, or else something bad will happen like let’s say, the train getting away, or you losing a lot of money. In such a situation, I don’t think we can afford to count from 10 to 1. And besides, beyond a particular level of rage, this counting technique fails miserable, says my personal experience. And as far as drinking some cold water is concerned, I don’t think we have cold water around us every time we get angry. And again, this technique mostly works only in cases of mild rage. Similarly, almost all the techniques that we can find to control anger in books or on internet are not always effective in all situations. So, what is the solution? Can we avoid getting angry? Well, let’s be frank here and accept that not many of us will have the time and determination to become a yoga master and learn to control our emotions. I think that would be great, and if anyone is able to do that, please do send me an autograph, but I don’t think that is the solution for lazy, techno-addicted, busy people like most of us.
I previously wrote “…every time we will get angry, our brains will become under-active, mouths will become over-active…” Now, since there is nothing that we can do about our brain, is there a way by which we could do something about the mouth? It’s completely fair to get angry, which will automatically shut down our brains, but is it really necessary for us to speak in that situation? What if we stayed silent, gulping our anger down our throat? That would do the trick, I suppose. But then the problem is that if our brain is not working, who on earth will tell us that our mouths need to be shut? I wish we could all have a small fairy-buddy who would remind us to shut up when angry. That’d be great, I suppose, because almost all of us would agree that all wars in the history of mankind started off in a moment of rage. Wow, this could be the key to world peace! But anyways, there is no fairy-buddy, we have had two world wars already, and that’s the truth, so let’s accept it. Coming back to the point, if we really need an external force to shut us up when angry, why couldn’t it be my self? Even the “angry me” would agree that the “calm me” is more intelligent that the “angry me”. So, if “calm me” could pass on a note to “angry me” that could be read or seen even after anger takes over, I think that should do the trick. I am no anger-management expert, but neither can I afford one, so I think I won’t mind keeping a note in my pocket that reads, “Shut up or you will regret later. If you don’t believe me, remember the last time.” So every time I do get angry, I’ll just pull it out, have a look at it, and then let’s see what happens.
This is just an experiment, so please don’t kill me if you try it out and it doesn’t work. But logic says that it will. If you have any other suggestions, please free to enlighten me as I begin my war against anger.
In one of my previous sentences, I wrote “…the person wouldn’t even think twice before kicking it…” So, I suppose that anger does not kill our fear, but rather paralyses our ability to think. In a normal situation, a person would always calculate his words and its possible consequences before saying them. For example, I would always know what not to speak before my boss. He is just another human, in no way a superior being, but I would still think before I speak to him because of the position he is in, and because of the position he can put me in. But then, put some rage in my head, and I might become the courageous employee who didn’t even fear his boss. But actually, I will be the angry employee who didn’t think before he spoke, and then got fired. So, I suppose anger makes us stupid, and fearlessness is the term we use later on to justify our loss. And justify to whom? Ourselves, or probably the people who saw me do the stupid act, or just people who have recently heard of my loss and are curious why that happened.
Once the damage is done, we can offer a good and decent explanation to prove that what we did was right and appropriate in that situation, and it is unfortunate that our fearlessness wasn’t appreciated. But the fact remains that the damage is done, and it is the angry boy who will suffer now. We can try to fool the world, even ourselves, but at some level inside us, we know that this situation could have been avoided had we thought before we spoke. And had we avoided it, everything would have been as great as it was earlier, if not better. But here comes the irony; how could one think before speaking when we know that anger does not allow us to think? So basically, every time we will get angry, our brains will become under-active, mouths will become over-active, and we will say things that will hurt us later on. It is like God’s perfect plan to screw us badly. And there is no escaping if we get into this chain of events. Or is there?
One possibility to avoid such a thing from happening would be to not enter the chain in the first place. No anger, no consequences. There are a lot of provocations, I agree, to make us angry, but if we can dodge them, or not let them make us angry, we are good to go. I have read a lot of ways to control anger, like holding your fist tight and counting 1 to 10, drinking lots of cold water etc. But it is not necessary that you might be able to always use these techniques. What if the provocation for anger is time based, let’s say you have been asked a ridiculous question and you have to answer immediately, or else something bad will happen like let’s say, the train getting away, or you losing a lot of money. In such a situation, I don’t think we can afford to count from 10 to 1. And besides, beyond a particular level of rage, this counting technique fails miserable, says my personal experience. And as far as drinking some cold water is concerned, I don’t think we have cold water around us every time we get angry. And again, this technique mostly works only in cases of mild rage. Similarly, almost all the techniques that we can find to control anger in books or on internet are not always effective in all situations. So, what is the solution? Can we avoid getting angry? Well, let’s be frank here and accept that not many of us will have the time and determination to become a yoga master and learn to control our emotions. I think that would be great, and if anyone is able to do that, please do send me an autograph, but I don’t think that is the solution for lazy, techno-addicted, busy people like most of us.
I previously wrote “…every time we will get angry, our brains will become under-active, mouths will become over-active…” Now, since there is nothing that we can do about our brain, is there a way by which we could do something about the mouth? It’s completely fair to get angry, which will automatically shut down our brains, but is it really necessary for us to speak in that situation? What if we stayed silent, gulping our anger down our throat? That would do the trick, I suppose. But then the problem is that if our brain is not working, who on earth will tell us that our mouths need to be shut? I wish we could all have a small fairy-buddy who would remind us to shut up when angry. That’d be great, I suppose, because almost all of us would agree that all wars in the history of mankind started off in a moment of rage. Wow, this could be the key to world peace! But anyways, there is no fairy-buddy, we have had two world wars already, and that’s the truth, so let’s accept it. Coming back to the point, if we really need an external force to shut us up when angry, why couldn’t it be my self? Even the “angry me” would agree that the “calm me” is more intelligent that the “angry me”. So, if “calm me” could pass on a note to “angry me” that could be read or seen even after anger takes over, I think that should do the trick. I am no anger-management expert, but neither can I afford one, so I think I won’t mind keeping a note in my pocket that reads, “Shut up or you will regret later. If you don’t believe me, remember the last time.” So every time I do get angry, I’ll just pull it out, have a look at it, and then let’s see what happens.
This is just an experiment, so please don’t kill me if you try it out and it doesn’t work. But logic says that it will. If you have any other suggestions, please free to enlighten me as I begin my war against anger.
Comments
-Shashi
So what are you up to these days besides researching stone-kickers and buddy fairies? [:)]